Falling To The Ground
by beedivine
Summary: I love her, and she hates me. he whispered into the empty room. He leaned against the cold, black walls, looking down at the grey floor, and whispered the same thing over and over again, his eyes full of tears threatening to spill.Severus Snape Oneshot


"I love her, and she hates me." he whispered into the empty room.

He leaned against the cold, black walls, looking down at the grey floor, and whispering the same thing over and over again, his eyes full of tears threatening to spill.

"I love her, and she hates me." he whispered again.

Slowly he lifted his head, staring around the room, seeing the rope that he had already tied to the rafters and the chair standing near by. He stared at the rope for a moment, and then taking his time he walked over to it. He lifted his left hand and grabbed hold of the rope, holding on to it as if it was his last chance at happiness, and with his right hand he pushes his greasy black hair out of his eyes. Standing there he closed his eyes letting himself drift off into his memories.

_He, Severus Snape was walking out of the great hall after dinner when a voice called after him._

_"Oi, Snivellus!" called the voice of the person he hated more than any other in the world. Slowly he turned around, not wanting to deal with Potter today, but even more, not wanting to walk away._

_"What Potter?" Severus replied, his voice cold and harsh, his greasy black falling down in front of his face._

_"Lily," he repliedhis voice full of arrogance and joy. "I just asked her out again, but this time, this time she said yes."_

_Severus's face now showing a look of shock and pure sadness. His mind racing, 'no this can't be true, this can't be true.' But he knew it was, from where he was standing he could she Lily inside the great hall sitting at the Gryffindor table, a look on her face that he had never seen before, and he knew what it meant, exactly what it meant._

_"Jealous are we Snivellus?" James asked a huge grin spreading across his face. Severus just stood there speechless, not knowing what to say, but not truly wanting to say anything anyway._

_"You love her don't you Snivelly?" James asked in a teasing voice, his grin continuing to grow._

_"SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!" Severus yelled, his face and voice contorted in his rage. He couldn't take this anymore, he couldn't. He hated Potter, hated him..._

_"Little greasy haired, scrawny, Snivellus loves Lily!" James taunted, not even trying to hold back his laughter._

_"STOP IT, STOP IT!" Severus yelled, not even caring that he was drawing attention from the people in the great hall who were still finishing the dinner. But James said nothing, he just continued to laugh, and that was it, that was as much as Severus could handle._

_And quickly, before James even had time to register what he was doing he pulled out his wand. "LEVICORPUS!" Severus yelled before turning on his heel and walking outside into rain and the soggy grounds, not even leaving time to see James easily side step the curse and throw his head back in laughter._

The memory faded away, and Severus opened his eyes, a single tear rolling down his cheek. He roughly lifted his right hand and wiped away the tear, while still holding onto the rope with his left hand. For a moment he just stared at the rope, a blank and unreadable look on his face. Then slowly he released his had from the rope and began tying it into a slipknot. He made sure the knot was tied tight and then stepped back to admire his handiwork. As he stared at the rope tears began falling from his eyes, more and more tears coming the longer he stood there staring at the rope. So he closed his eyes and once again allowed himself to get lost in his memories.

_"But Lily! I'm--" Severus began but he was cut off._

_"No Severus it's to late." Lily was saying, her long auburn hair falling into her face. "I know where your going Severus, the people your hanging out with, the things you do, the things you say. Mudblood Severus! Mudblood! You called me a mudblood, and it's not just me, you call everyone like me a mudblood! I'm not going to take it anymore Severus! Your aiming to be a Death Eater I know you are, and I'm not going to put up with that Severus, I'm not!_

_"Lily I- I'm sorry," He stuttered. "I can change, I will change. Lily please!"_

_"You've had seven long years to change! I've been telling you all along I didn't like what you were planning to do. I've been telling you Severus! I've been telling you!" Her voice was trembling now, and her face looked sad and hurt. "It's to late Severus."_

_The look on his face was full of desperation now, and when he spoke his voice was quiet and trembling. "Do you remember back in forth year, when we were leaning against the birch tree, sitting down by the lake?"_

_"Yes, but wh-" She began, but he cut her off._

_"And you told me you loved me, and I said I loved you too," he continued. "But I didn't mean it the way you did, I love you Lily, I really truly love you."_

_"Severus, I uh," she stumbled, after a moment she regained her voice and continued. "It's to late Severus, if you really loved me you would have changed along time ago. I love James now, it's to late Severus." She had tears in her eyes now. She looked away for a moment, and then looked back at him for one last look before walking away._

_Severus just stood there looking hurt and shocked, like he had just been punched in the face._

He opened his eyes which were full of all the unshed tears that he had not yet spilled. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly he reopened his eyes, spotting the chair which stood nearby he walked over to it. He rested his hands on the back of the chair for a moment before lifting it up and carrying it over to where the rope stood, and sat it down underneath the rope. Taking his time he lifted one foot and then the other on to the seat of the chair and stood on top of it. He reached his right had forward and pulled the rope toward him, adjusting the length of the rope to make sure his feet wouldn't reach the ground. Once he was done he stood there holding tightly onto the rope, and allowed himself to close his eyes and fall into one last memory.

_He was now sitting beside the lake on the Hogwarts grounds leaning against a tree with Lily Evans sitting beside him leaning her head oh his shoulder. Both of them wearing the same look on their face, one of happiness and content._

_Lily closed her eyes, and then after a moment she began to speak. "I love you Severus." Instantly a smile came onto Severus's face, but then it hit him, she didn't mean it like he did. She loved him yes, but she didn't love him like he loved her. And from that moment he knew she would never feel the way about him, like he felt about her._

_The smile that had crept so suddenly on to his face was gone and replaced by a look of sadness that Lily would never see. "I love you too Lily." he replied trying with all his might to keep his sadness out of his voice. But Lily didn't notice a thing, she just continued sitting there with her eyes closed, only moving to wrap her arm around his._

And the memory faded away and he was back in the dark, cold room standing on the chair with the rope held tight in his hands. He took a deep breath and slowly he lifted the rope and put it around his neck. Tears were pouring down his face now and he knew there was no way of making them stop. He stood there for a moment with the silent tears falling down his face, he then took one last breath and whispered into the air, "I love her, and she hates me." And with that he kicked the chair aside, falling to the ground with out any hope of ever reaching it.


End file.
